pimpz my D+ game BTICH!

"hey girlmeat! wantz me to slopsteak that tuna-melt gravy boat style lyke mydget pron?"

sound familair? FCUK NO YOU GOT NO GAME LOOSAR AHHAHAHA!!! just in case u can't notice sexy stylz and your retarded, that si the sound of sweet pickupz at the bar (thats shti works every loving times, percentmax). you cna't never spit such dope linez like i'm kingkong louey the 18th SUNROOM style!!! listen hey this is le post-modern dating area in cause you didn't notice cause you weer playing to much world of warcraft lyke selfsexing while your dwarf warrior was spanking a harpie with his poleaxe e-peen. WTG gj mmorpg FTL epicphail i dont care if you just got ur flying mount go stick ur peen in an arby's beef'n cheddar melt it's the saem thing looser so get a JOB. why get a job? SO YOU CAN RAPE YOUR SECRETARY flipping DURR why do you think they got their job? so they can get promoted to not secretary SO THEY CAN RAPE THEIR SECRETARY STUP'D!!! see thats how you have to think in the modern sexplace era so fuck the sound of music and greased lightning go greased lightning HEY forget about all paying money for girldrink sugarstuffs i already told you what jobs are 4. the only thing you should pay for is frillyjean cut jeanshort meatshorts like wham! beaucause UR GAY!!

but dood DONT BE SO BOOHOOHOO its not all sadtimes, im fresh here from the sexplace to poop out some knwolidge on ur face and make you nonsuck at dating pickupz. here's a poor loosar who wrote me some stupid shti and i fxed him (or her).

"dear rileyv, i can't seem to get a girl to come home with me, let alone actually have sex with me, what can i do?" - thanks, loosar

DEAR LOOSAR - step 1: your first line should offend her deeply. pay attention to all her fears, and exploit them mercilessly. they love it, TRUST ME! step 2: if she resists, make her feel fat and ugly (she probably is since if you're having this much problems you're probably lame and can only nail fat+ugly chicks anyway) step 3: spice up her drink with some liquid heroin step 4: have your grandma take you both home STAT cause im sure you have no car LOOSAR! step 5: when she wakes up, call her into the bathroom while you're pooping step 6: as she walks in half-dazed from that sweet sweet china throw your poop on her (everyone loves monkees!!) step 7: while she is blinded by feces, nail that bitch POSTE HASTE. step 8: immediately call the cops and take out a restraining order. say she's crazy and you don't want her within throwing distance because she throws poop like a monkey.

dooD i've used that so many every timez, its a frekin GOLD MINE!!!

here's a speakscript i use for homesex aquisitiory :

body {
printf "hey are you a robot?"
if {yes} {
printf "know how i could tell? because of magnets! ahhahaha!"
} else {
printf "well close those daffy duck eyes of yours and imagine me boning you in robot form"
}
while {she's confused as hell but strangely horny} {
set fingers == [exec "nipplefingers"]
set titties == [exec "rub with $fingers"]
}
set sexwordspeak "mmm, nipples for nipplefingers make me splatgo"
set bitchwordspeak "ew! nipplefingers! i am nonsplat funsexy!!!"
if {she says $sexwordspeak} {
exec "hop on your scooterbike and take her to the banks!"
} elseif {she says $bitchwordspeak} {
set fingers == [exec "penisfists in that nast"]
} else {
set sexmake == [exec "raperape scenario"]
}
exec [getthefuckouttatherenow!!!]
}

Congratulations! just run that l33t hackXORED script in any bar and you'll score TRUST ME IT WORKS JESUS DIDNT ASK QUESTIONS HE JUST DID THAT SHTI RIGHT!!!! so you should, like jesus but instead of saving kids and weepy grandmas you're making sexmaking to hot BABEZ!. WAY BETTER THAN STUP'D GOD SHIT CRAP! hey read thes pickup linez their totally l33t.

suggested pickup linez:

1. "i promise you'll feel better about being dropped on your face as an infant if you let me violate you in very unsavory ways"
2. "let me buy you a drink. JUST KIDDING GET OFF MY FUCKING STOOL YOU UGLY BEAST!"
3. "remember that part from the lion king where mufasa eats the baby dinosaur head in his dream and then shits the bed? oh wait, that was my dream."
4. "hey tom sellek called he wants his asshair back so he can put it on his face!"
5. "hey you remind me of my grandma. she looks like a monkey too! but not as good as your monkey impressionist!!"
6. "do you really wanna be here? me neither. let's go put my grandma's hardened feces in the woodchipper."
7. "trees are green. and so is your FACE HAHA hackXORD!!!!"
8. "check it out my junk looks like the virgin mary crying bloodface! oh wait that's gonnorhea"
9. "are you gay? i hope not because i hate fagots! hahaha"
10. "i haer that if i punch you in the uterus right before i shoot it off you won't get pregnant soemtimes"
11. "hey your ass looks like a foot. and my foreskin is like a shoe. wait that doesn't work."

good luck and good night. email your stupid questions to rileyvmiller@gmail.com if you want, i'll be sure to make fun of you.