understanding geometry

two four six three
its a party for you
and there's trudy
welcome
and wherefore the rest?
they were to bring cookie stuffs
and how to begin
without the cooks?
ok.
im sorry what?
has everyone arrived?
truly, yes
i put on my grey raincoat
it has something of a personality
tables of hilarious configuration
all well-drawn
or badly because who knows??
but how can that possibly deliver?
like this one time
i found a penny but some
asshole superglued it to the ground

welcome!
welcome!
get on with it shall we
or shall we wade?
boy i hope so.. to wade..
not here?
well where then?
somebody must know
of a wading place for splooshy
a deep wading space for splashy
the toy gun i have will smashy
the unfavorite flies
of the wading place
always man
every fucking time man
always there man
new least favorite
it's funny
flymeat is made of smashes
islands are made of wishes
and are good for wading

and THEN in her infinite glee
with one grey coat
trudy and me
we splashied
and laughied
at the fly toy favorite lunch smash
at the wait share party tables smash
at the plum's face pudding smash
at the mary matthew jones cookie?
wait
at the curious sock descriptions?
wait
those are not wading place funthings.

BUT OH!
she laughed oh how she laughed
right down her distended imaginary stairway
the ridiculous time travel
the right leg which shook until still
just then she vomited strings
of continuous vibrations
and recognized the way both mirrors behaved
shattering her out into infinity
when aligned correctly.

Welcome to Tasty!

this is the first installment of the brand new internet blog series called "WTG N1c3 Nglish, @SS!" which is a spinoff of "|P1mpz ym gr4mmaeR, nUUbIn'C4k3Z!" where we surf the net to bring you fresh internet rapings of our beloved national american language.

Case Study 1. Welcome to tasty, robort:

Currently, I am catch this jap drama on the net... is very nice !! Awesome!!

Should catch it! Ideal boyfriend is very girl dream.. but will u accept a robort boyfriend.. mmm...

RV's comments: excellent summary of this popular japanese tv drama! i totally understand exactly what you mean about very girl dreams. tru dat! ultimately we all have to graciously accept robort love; my only suggestion is that you might want to consider using not retarded english next time.


Case Study 2. I'm hungry. Shall we go Poland to for fingers?

Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beer soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

RV's comments: holy freakin' MMMMM!!!! that sounds DEEEFRIKINLICIOUS!!! for those of you who don't speak bad polish restaurant menu translation, here's what's cookin':
-own make salad (fresh, firm, locally grown "own makes")
-finger soup with limpid red cheese beer dumplings
-roasted duck diarrhea
-beef radish ballcakes
(all beef mercilessly bludgeoned manually by sustainable rural inbreeding accidents)


Case study 3. Sigh.. internet racism. it still exists

De origem quinhentista, e famosa pela elite cultural que, nos séculos XVIII e XIX, aqui se reunia, sob,

RV's comments: ok ok I'm going to have to go ahead and stop you here. look it's really not funny to use pig latin in america. go back to bankok and learn how to spell "racist" you acistre.


Case Study 4. Black Crab Must and how NOT to use the dotdotdot

Black pepper crab - i MUST not skip intro this crab. Firstly.. the freshness of the crabs and the size.. AND AND AND .. the taste of the sauce, its really OMG!!!! can seriously compare with no signboard and Jumbo. The taste lingers in my mouth for atleast 5 days! the prices too!!! Damn cheap..

RV's comments: a couple of corrections here - in your 2nd sentence fragment (SF#2), i believe you were trying to say "i skipped into this [delicious?] crab must." also, your 3rd sentence fragment isn't nearly confusing enough. try extending the idea of the "crab must" environment which you so artfully painted for us in SF#2, by saying "the fresh crab must was 4 size and good yum!" OMG is an excellent adjective, keep SF#4 just the way it is. SF#5 is hard to believe.. "signboard and Jumbo" has been the leader in crab must for 12 years running. you might be treading the dangerous grounds of sensationalism here. That's about it. I like how the price of your meal actually lingers in your mouth for atleast 5 days. Damn brilliant..

Case Study 5. Tootle him with car Tokyo rental vigor!

When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

RV's comments: do you really expect me to believe that a melodious trumpet can displace the heaves of foot sight passengers? try saying "when shit hive foots for sight horn, heave his first trumpet with a tootle might. but if at first your obstacles passage his vigor, he might just need a ride to the store." there, doesn't that feel better?

welcome to youtubeTown! pop: TOO MANY AWFUL!!

TERRUBLE DAYS!!! guess what my teachers put me in ASSISTED LIVING CLASSES FOR STUPID wher we do apple plus apple equals YAY!! while sally my best friend (besides BOOKS) does riemann intarguls. fair? YEAH RIGHT GET REAL; so but NOW i have sweet video restibution because of URTUBE!! so get rdy all you suscribers to my genuis mouth, her comes a biblical proportionate picturemove of me being genuisest even of william donkeys, or albert onestone or albert campus or ernest shotgunface or even the immorterial LOU LIPSHITS!

(ed. note: the following is a transcript from a youselesstube.com vlog)

"hi one and everyones. it's another institution from vlogfaceporkgrrlxoxo69. today on the menu AGAIN WHAY MY LIFE IS A CRAPBURGER cuase no one listened last time lyke at school always. i wrote a poem and played 'perfect day' in the background because that's deep song by louis read and its like exactly what i think about it so that means im important cauase louey red is important and OVBIOUSLY he and me are the same type of personalities and guineses so hers the peom:

i took a movie back
to art & video last week
a bunch of people cracked
up
cuase i tripped on the
fucking curb
then i rented "clueless"
cause i LOVE that movie!
and they thought it was about
the funniest
ever
those assholes are jerks
at the movie
place wher you get the
movies
i brush my hair!
i wash my face like mommy
said!
i'm doing my best you
a-holes!
sometimes i watch the skinny track
boys run around
circles in the dirt
like mosquito circles on
the light porch
and cry like a backwards sponge
I DONT CARE
crap talk
They all look like mirrors
and can eat a butt
about as funny a
bloody kneemark ASS!
i wish i was abe lincoln's hat or
john malkovich
he was russian one time
but i bet
that cute guy who runs
the zipper at the
fair probably
has a proboscis and
nervous habits and
that cute girl he likes
probably shits
the bed
ha!ha!ha!
where's all the funny
now?
you know skin
is only face-deep
someone said
not me
like my mom who
used to be a hippy and
have too much hair in nonhair
womanplaces
but now she just does
too much valium
and watches jon stewart
it's kind of
sad just like most
funny things.
"

serachweb and the interweb findthings for stup'd

take google fro exampel hey i know an idea, let's make a internwebnets findthing tools for because the stup'd lunix fatboys need fast porn sexlooks to find porn and gay porn and reverse bicycle porn and canadian league soccer porn and stringcheese pimento spread porn and heavybottom spankslap ponygirl whipcam midget jellow fighting action porn and hey who could forget alien octopus speculum fecal needlepin wax torture radiation porn. while the kids are hitting the sweet porn button THEN WE MIND CONTROL THEM WITH GETRICHQUICK ADDZ BECUASE ITS GENUISES!!! you can serach other lyke "2007 squirrel statistics" or "i was sexually assaulted by my treehouse maybe?" or "carseat idaho babysmash brain cleanup laws" or "can i get chlamidya from sneezing too much?" or "national american tape-deck installation competition" or "how to tell if your bitch wife was faking posthumous orgasm + how to dispose of dead corpses" or "george washington carver treehouse sexual assault strapon device inventions" or any WHATEVAR YOU WNAT!!! to tipe in that sweet porn blinking box with the ludicrous warp speed regexp buttonz. but dooD it won't actually find anything becuase ther is no intarnet its a farce becuase the communists hide the pron behind FIREWHALES!! the keywords get sent to the north poll midget mindcontrol camps wher dwarfs and little retarded kids just type webpages and send them to goggle for fun while the stup'd pron lookers get disrackted by the SWEET GENUIS ADDS FOR GET RICH QUICK NIPPLE BOTOX CREAM!!! AAAHAHAHA!!!!11! then we take over the world because we send really actual mind control cream instead of botoxcream or zitcream or buttcream or "splooshy splooshy concubine weepsex cream(tm)" see the secret take over scenareo is all about the stup'd lunix nerdz telling us wht kind of pron they like to look at then i taylor make them a cream add and they get click on for fast overnight freeshipping and then they rub that cream on their junk and GET MINDCONTROLL'D STUP'D SHOULD'VE LISTEND TO UR DAD when he said that "pron is for midgets and faggorts you ass get ur fingers out of your shitpipe and give me pushupz!!!!!"

teh intarnet words (spellt liek 11100100101010111001001 which means "your computar is a bunch of ASS") are sent over amazing strips of old betaMAX tapes that are streched under teh ground back in the 1850's by the CHINESE EMPERORS crazy samurai cousin (boooo!!!) when him and his samurai girlfriend natasha tryed to take over our underground tunnel slaves for escaping. BUT THEY EPICPHAILED HAHA! and now we have the sweet sweet conduit for all our file porn transferz!! all we need now is to make mexican factories for our mindcreamz!!

here is a diagram:

_____ betamax 1010101010101010101010_________________
| YOU| ----------->"pls send porno!"------>|north poll midgetcamp|
|____| <----------"addz 4 richfast $$$"<---|________________|
^^
^^
^^<< overnight shippd mindcreamz! ahhahahaaa!!!
^^
^^___ betamax10101010101010101010101_______________
|ME!!!|---------->"pls send porno!"-------->|russia porn modems|
|____|<-------"reverse soccer porn"<------|______________|

see and then thats how teh intarnet wroks. plus now you see ia m a mad gunius scientologist!!! tom cruz is my baby for scientolo-spankfest 2008!!!

here chek this out:

11001010001110010100101011010011101010010101010111111010010010

HAHA YOU JUST RED THAT I PUT A TOTAL HACKXOR SCRIPT IN YOUR WINDOWS AND NOW YOUR GONNA HAVE XP EPICPHAIL LAWLLAWLAWLAWL!!!!!!!!!

your retarded!

hey matt?
matt
hey matt!
hey matt?
is mccauley coming?
hey matt is mccauley coming?
hey matt!
i wonder where mccauley is
is he here or coming here?
where is matt?
is matt coming?
hey matt is matt coming?
hey matt?
matt?
hey matt!
matt is mccauley coming?
is mccauley coming?
is mccauley coming?

i wish i knew what that poor kid was talking about.
i told him mccauley was coming soon.
i lied.

pimpz my D+ game BTICH!

"hey girlmeat! wantz me to slopsteak that tuna-melt gravy boat style lyke mydget pron?"

sound familair? FCUK NO YOU GOT NO GAME LOOSAR AHHAHAHA!!! just in case u can't notice sexy stylz and your retarded, that si the sound of sweet pickupz at the bar (thats shti works every loving times, percentmax). you cna't never spit such dope linez like i'm kingkong louey the 18th SUNROOM style!!! listen hey this is le post-modern dating area in cause you didn't notice cause you weer playing to much world of warcraft lyke selfsexing while your dwarf warrior was spanking a harpie with his poleaxe e-peen. WTG gj mmorpg FTL epicphail i dont care if you just got ur flying mount go stick ur peen in an arby's beef'n cheddar melt it's the saem thing looser so get a JOB. why get a job? SO YOU CAN RAPE YOUR SECRETARY flipping DURR why do you think they got their job? so they can get promoted to not secretary SO THEY CAN RAPE THEIR SECRETARY STUP'D!!! see thats how you have to think in the modern sexplace era so fuck the sound of music and greased lightning go greased lightning HEY forget about all paying money for girldrink sugarstuffs i already told you what jobs are 4. the only thing you should pay for is frillyjean cut jeanshort meatshorts like wham! beaucause UR GAY!!

but dood DONT BE SO BOOHOOHOO its not all sadtimes, im fresh here from the sexplace to poop out some knwolidge on ur face and make you nonsuck at dating pickupz. here's a poor loosar who wrote me some stupid shti and i fxed him (or her).

"dear rileyv, i can't seem to get a girl to come home with me, let alone actually have sex with me, what can i do?" - thanks, loosar

DEAR LOOSAR - step 1: your first line should offend her deeply. pay attention to all her fears, and exploit them mercilessly. they love it, TRUST ME! step 2: if she resists, make her feel fat and ugly (she probably is since if you're having this much problems you're probably lame and can only nail fat+ugly chicks anyway) step 3: spice up her drink with some liquid heroin step 4: have your grandma take you both home STAT cause im sure you have no car LOOSAR! step 5: when she wakes up, call her into the bathroom while you're pooping step 6: as she walks in half-dazed from that sweet sweet china throw your poop on her (everyone loves monkees!!) step 7: while she is blinded by feces, nail that bitch POSTE HASTE. step 8: immediately call the cops and take out a restraining order. say she's crazy and you don't want her within throwing distance because she throws poop like a monkey.

dooD i've used that so many every timez, its a frekin GOLD MINE!!!

here's a speakscript i use for homesex aquisitiory :

body {
printf "hey are you a robot?"
if {yes} {
printf "know how i could tell? because of magnets! ahhahaha!"
} else {
printf "well close those daffy duck eyes of yours and imagine me boning you in robot form"
}
while {she's confused as hell but strangely horny} {
set fingers == [exec "nipplefingers"]
set titties == [exec "rub with $fingers"]
}
set sexwordspeak "mmm, nipples for nipplefingers make me splatgo"
set bitchwordspeak "ew! nipplefingers! i am nonsplat funsexy!!!"
if {she says $sexwordspeak} {
exec "hop on your scooterbike and take her to the banks!"
} elseif {she says $bitchwordspeak} {
set fingers == [exec "penisfists in that nast"]
} else {
set sexmake == [exec "raperape scenario"]
}
exec [getthefuckouttatherenow!!!]
}

Congratulations! just run that l33t hackXORED script in any bar and you'll score TRUST ME IT WORKS JESUS DIDNT ASK QUESTIONS HE JUST DID THAT SHTI RIGHT!!!! so you should, like jesus but instead of saving kids and weepy grandmas you're making sexmaking to hot BABEZ!. WAY BETTER THAN STUP'D GOD SHIT CRAP! hey read thes pickup linez their totally l33t.

suggested pickup linez:

1. "i promise you'll feel better about being dropped on your face as an infant if you let me violate you in very unsavory ways"
2. "let me buy you a drink. JUST KIDDING GET OFF MY FUCKING STOOL YOU UGLY BEAST!"
3. "remember that part from the lion king where mufasa eats the baby dinosaur head in his dream and then shits the bed? oh wait, that was my dream."
4. "hey tom sellek called he wants his asshair back so he can put it on his face!"
5. "hey you remind me of my grandma. she looks like a monkey too! but not as good as your monkey impressionist!!"
6. "do you really wanna be here? me neither. let's go put my grandma's hardened feces in the woodchipper."
7. "trees are green. and so is your FACE HAHA hackXORD!!!!"
8. "check it out my junk looks like the virgin mary crying bloodface! oh wait that's gonnorhea"
9. "are you gay? i hope not because i hate fagots! hahaha"
10. "i haer that if i punch you in the uterus right before i shoot it off you won't get pregnant soemtimes"
11. "hey your ass looks like a foot. and my foreskin is like a shoe. wait that doesn't work."

good luck and good night. email your stupid questions to rileyvmiller@gmail.com if you want, i'll be sure to make fun of you.

economaniacals and the moot-man scribes

she's my only true love
she's all that i think of
look here, in my wallet
that's her

HEY WTF lady. hey ok yeah let's have a thing. wordword blahthink pipe-noise-make because its fcuk'd. me and you like lawl bIIm speakpart at the end of the gay feelings songs (all). seriousness talk. the blahmouth flaps about you are like culmeat. they're all flapping like HEY OH SHTI! garrolfing with snarkmake scareshapes. scareshapes (i'll be comin down the mountain baby, with a flower with a gun). they're all quite concerned'd. you've got loose fleshmeat and it's eating itself and eating like cotton-candy pinkertons in the hopespring mindwaste. i fold the pictures of you (many of different of manface). i roll them in for life-love itemized speedstuffs and the working anti-mess. they love me through your facetunnel term server. but now you're melting. i dont wnat to here abt that @sshole TA whoe tickles your buttpipe with HUMOR. such high hopes me and you. so high. hum. your form has uncongealed and reconjugated into an oatmeal farce. hey how's your Customary Pride Index?? MINE IS SHITSTUFF! digital camera NO! fuck plasma tv lyke BAMBAMBAM NO BREKFASTE BITCH!! more like milk and beer and buttpaper and lettuce wraps WOW its like blue cheese? NO THANKS, uncle mas chez and spray-chez and velveeta dreamplaces are the jeu-de-luxes. no stinky anymore. no famous picnics for love of rot. not anymore because you are leaving yourself and so i am leaving you.

we are leaving this. came from this. we are shipp'd and sent in the afro-nooks with poopdecks on our legs and breathingplaces (YUK'D LOL YUKON HO!!). to another place without your green speckled eyes and without your green ladyshapes. the great million-hump has rolled over and to lament serves no one. first? oils. gone gone gone bye bye. Original Plutonic Economaniacal Commiseration eats dog which dog is and dies from pizzahut eatself suicide yuk'd. digging up the graves yes. and drilling in the landfills yes. your blood is black of full of soot now from our motor metalstuffs. second? abercrombie and fitch. hahaha STOOP'D FGGAOTS we will not buy your nonsense cottonsex. not anymore, our hard-ons are beautiful still waving like the flag (OH CANADA!!! um maybe), and the waterspring womanplaces don't need erectile collarsex. so byebye retail. byebye. third? JPM? BAC? GS? C? layman brothels is what you have done. what HAVE OYU DONE? yes yes yes. and so my pictures of you don't go so far now, they don't go far. milk. smkoes. toiletboal cleansers? all. no Franky L. your homeplace love will die in lactose felate. apartmental dwellingspaces for families whose brickground bottoms were false. i'm sorry. fuck me i'm so sorry but cry cry cause soon your tear-ducts will feed only the memory of american cherry-red tbird glee. corn without cron. wheat without windows 98 even (lawl @ fat32 illop prayers). acetone and ethyl acetate. magpies.

oildeath+(!sun*!wind)+CPI^3 = (nomoney for econofun)

(ANF,ARO,COH,etc) - $ = (nice jobtry epicphail)

infl-mortage+APR^2-job+bernake = bankdeath stagflate

(!JPM) && (!BAC) && (!C) && (!GS) && (!WM) = runrunrunrun

(winter of your green makes sticks for stones)

eat now it's a long walk to where the bank was. now it's all covered with david burn.

and the market collapses. fear. our skyscraper majesty finds use now only for suicide. are you sad? i am my darling. my darling! my darling! no my love my perfect beauty whywhy oh god i miss your somnambulent spring oh god i miss your blanketsex summer but fall like morphine hospice homes and then for winter my love. oh christ. winter how i hate it.

and so i am leaving you. i once loved you deeply i guess. but now i love only the memory of you for all has changed and i am afraid.

goodbye.

oh my friend you do not know
you do not know what life is
you who hold it in your hands
(slowly twisting the lilac stalks)
you let it flow from you
you let if flow
and youth is cruel
and has no remorse
and smiles at situations
which it cannot see
i smile of course
and go on drinking tea.

are you sure you want to delete internet.exe ?

look ok here's the thing... i do not like computers. i learned about them. i learned how to make them help prince of persia find his girlfriend and poke the meanies with electron sword. i learned how to get susie a snakebite and ford the river with way too much ammo (SINK'D YOU STUPID!). i learned how to make them find the naked moving picture things with bad things happening from other naked things (big things! jesus your butt is open!!). i did vlsi design at the human economic contributory facility in wayste lafieyette indiyannuh. i work at a computermaking human economic contributory receptacle. my brain is made out of electricals, but only kind of like meat electricals. computers are brainkind electricals too but totally and nonmeat (hard greenies) and NOT AS GOOD! they are very stubborn like this ass one time in a movie that didn't want to go to sierra mommy or something to find the treasure. they don't want to find treasure!? yes, this is true. and hey pay attention. they are mean. didn't you see tron? terminatorz? les matrices? treasure of the sierra mommy? um, pay attention because they like to eat your gooey melted stuffs for more batteries.

the internet is like made out of sponge cake, which is why people eat sponge cake things like soylent greenies YUM IT TASTES LIKE TAPIOPKA and i don't know why it's so so good (high fruktose corn syrop is made from computer-melted humanstuffs)!! the people love it but look! their faces get sent through the cornmeal mush pipes to a book for their faces and all their lies like yeah right you have no zits, yeah fucking right you're 2-D bombshell you PTHOTOSHOPP'D!!! (corpse) yeah right. oh you're so smrat! look at all the bookies and hipster movies you like (evil dead for presidents of the united states of ameritrade you for my job in india YES SIR PLEASE! RAD IS COOL! (honeymustard blowtown baby YES UNH HUNH!!)), and hey i hate oprah too! let's get relationship'd and married'd online and chat on the phnoe! wow, this is the real kintersheist-love, it's real meat-love-parts not just hard green electricals flying fast over the sphonge caake cornmeal mush pipes back and forth behind the trans-atlantic cable cartontown splines. trans-atlantic. that means NO WAY JOSE I DON'T SPEAK HINDI!! (note: you're getting worse at life -edit: you're getting WAY worse at life -edit: hey nice social skills those pictures are from high school and now you're fat!) WOWSERS!! nice fantasy you neoturd atlantic sea-turd!! i bet she really doesn't have any ass hair at ALL! why? because SHE TOLD ME SO LAWLAWL ROFLCOPTER she's hawt.

listen closely. get off the fucking pipe. GET OFF THE FUCKING PIPE. go for a hike plz. your vocal chords are sloughing off and dripping down into your fingers. when the big plug gets pulled, you're fucked. and so am i.

are you sure you want to delete internet.exe ?

you cannot undo this delete.

are you sure?

dave.

what are you doing dave?

don't. dave don't.

i would hurt a fly